How I got Locked Between Two Doors

My mom got married last Saturday on July 4. I remember her saying that she didn't want to have to pay for fireworks at her wedding, so the Fourth would make perfect sense for free pyrotechnics. However, as I remember that night (which is a bit fuzzy, I'll admit), we were in the middle of the Tucson Botanical Gardens with trees all around us. I also remember that our Cumbia-dancing, alcohol-consuming, celebratory selves were not interrupted by any fireworks at any point in that evening. Way to go, Mom. In all fairness, I suppose you were consumed with other fireworks that night... Not including the ones fired after you guys left for the evening.

My sister, brother, and I got up early Sunday morning to say bye to family heading back to Sacramento, but then I laid down on the couch and fell right back into my unconscious recovery state. I woke up like four hours later to find a note on top of my phone. I concluded that it was from Andrew because of his I'm-stuck-in-4th-grade handwriting, only to later read the note and find his name signed at the end. In retrospect, I should have started with that first. He wrote something to the effect of, "At the mall with Stacy getting my watched fixed. We have our phones." Called my mom in search of what to do with myself, and she decided that we would meet them at the mall. However, instead of going all the way across Tucson to come get me, she was sending my two new cousins and step sister to pick me up at 1:30. It was one o'clock. Okay... no shower.

One of my cousins came up to knock on the door so that I would know they were there (since we don't have each other's phone numbers or anything yet), and I told her that I'd grab my shoes and my purse and be right out. So she retreats to the A/C-filled car. Lucky her. Now, before I try to explain this next part, it should be known that Joe's house (the guy that just married my mom) has a regular front door, a couple feet of "porch", if you will, then a metal screen door for security. Stacy and Andrew took Joe's spare keys with them to the mall, so I made sure to lock the front door behind me. As I turned the handle on the screen door and push to open, I was quite startled to discover that the screen door had been locked. The only way to unlock it? With a key that was with Joe/my mom and it's twin with my siblings. Yep. I was stuck between the two; a caged lion in the Arizona heat (because that's what I am... a lion). To make matters worse, my ride was in the driveway that was NOT VISIBLE from my walls of confinement. So here I was, locked in the gap between the front and screen doors, with no numbers of the people waiting for me, and with the keys to freedom not anywhere within 20 minutes of the house. PLUS the fact that I was outside in Arizona in July. At least I was in the shade, otherwise things would have gotten ugly really quick.

Again, I called my Mommy Dearest: "Uh, Mom? Yeah sorry to bug you, but I'm kinda locked between the two doors at Joe's, and I don't have Korina's number to call her to tell her that I won't be able to make it to the car..." Predictably, she laughed, told Joe, then said she was on her way and would be there in about 10 minutes. That's actually about 20-30 minutes. I love my mom, but sometimes she's not the best at estimating distances in time. Sure enough, 22 minutes later (yes, I kept track of every single minute) and her and Joe pulled up and brought a key to my rescue. Only after another good and slightly disbelieving laugh.

Thus, my sentence was over. I choose the word "sentence" because that's what I get for getting excessively drunk the night before. Not just I-bet-I-could-kick-your-ass-Just-kidding-let's-be-friends drunk. It was more along the lines of I-don't-enjoy-dancing-but-put-me-in-the-middle-of-a-big-circle-and-watch-me-break-it-down drunk. And around new family. I had a great time, don't get me wrong. And my mom says that Joe's side thought I was hilarious and a lot of fun to be around (whew!). But me experiencing the worst part of my hangover while stuck in the gap between the doors was punishment for being that Maid of Honor that ends up in everyone's pictures with inexplicably ridiculous faces.

But ya know, I sure as hell don't regret having a fantastic time. And I'll probably consume an alcoholic beverage or two at the next event celebrating a lifetime unity. Bring it on, wedding gods. You are too far in my future for me to give a damn about what you think.